Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want a musical about memes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
