Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
