I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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