If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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