this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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