This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He better not be in your backpack
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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