I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
