In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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