Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
