Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
