I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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