I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
