Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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