I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
