me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
