it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
