I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
