I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
