that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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