Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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