mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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