This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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