If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
