you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
