He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
