its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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