Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
