i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You ruined the universe
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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