You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
