Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
