Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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