Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
NoShamevember. You game?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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