So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
