Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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