:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
