Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We are two peas in an std pod
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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