Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize