I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
