You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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