yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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