I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
