I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
3 2 1 whiskey
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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