Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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