i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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