Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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