The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
