So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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