The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
