Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
