16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
