you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Alive.
So much puke
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
