He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
