He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
