thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My sheets look like a crime scene.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
