I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
