That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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