Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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