Duck Duck Cougar?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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