so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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