i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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