Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
