fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
