Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
