I skipped work to stalk him.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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