His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
