if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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