I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
