I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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