Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
