I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
did i just pee glitter
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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