Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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