You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
