Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
