I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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