you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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