There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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