she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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