Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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