Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
