I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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