Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
