I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
