she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
